Daily - August 13

I feel like I'm just going through the motions of daily life, nothing new is happening, nothing particularly interesting or exciting is happening. Routines - Wake, Travel, Sleep, School, Sleep, Schoolwork, Travel, Sleep, Home, Homework, (Sleep). Repeat. Torturous, Boring, Sian. How long can one endure this before he breaks down? Screw it lah, mountain of homework waiting to be completed, promises made that are waiting to be fufilled, how much longer can they wait before they give up? My to-do list, the list of stuff that governs my life, is getting longer day by day. I have no time to arrange it, or even to attempt to start completing and clearing the tasks to be done. I have this urge to delete it, then maybe I can start anew, a clean slate, no more of my previous records and thoughts and life. Hrmm, is it better to know something unpleasant, or to not know anything at all?

I just killed a cockroach. It is strangely satisfying, beating the shit out of a lower-life form. Just because we can. Isnt that how life is? The stronger ones take advantage of the weaker ones, and the weaker ones just find people weaker than them to take advantage of. Sometimes the weaker ones take revenge on the strong ones, upsetting the delicate balance of life, creating a revolution. When this happens, isnt it more exciting? How do you think the cockroach of whose family you have just gassed to death with motein feels when it pollutes your food, causing you to have illnesses and a quicker death? I once saw a TV show, where they show short horror stories. What happens if one day, we awake to realise that there are larger and more powerful beings out there, and they have the power over our lives? That as we treat ants, these beings treat us. We do not care if that single ant lived or died, and we actually gain some sort of pleasure destroying an ant nest. Maybe one day these beings will decide that we should die, and procced to destroy our existence. Only then will we realise our folly in our current actions, or is it way too late for that?

I once believed in escapism, using games and other forms of entertaintment to drown my worries and sorrows. I believed that if you run long enough, the homework and stuff would just stop chasing after you, and give up. But what really is given up, is the hope and expectations that people have of you. Thrown on the floor and trampled upon, destroyed, burned in a fire, torn to pieces and thrown into a fjord, stolen by others. People just stop believing in you. Disappointment is worst feeling you can cause other people to have, worser than anger and pain and the others. I can't count the number of times people have asked me about work, and I have no other reply except that "I haven't done it lol, will do later". And the lol is just there to make myself feel better, to give this pathetic situation a little laughter and light heartedness that shouldnt be there. The will do later is a false promise, made both to the person and to myself, with me knowing full well that the promise wouldnt be fufilled in time. Fuck you Darrell, you freaking suck lol, go die in a fire.

In other news, did chinese oral today, it went fairly well, but terribly bad compared to how much more prepared the other people are and how well they will do, because their teachers are quite slack and nice. I could more or less answer everything, except for HOW do you love your pet dogs? Now if that question was a 'What ways' or a 'Why' or a 'Who' or a 'When' then it'll be alot easier, but how do you answer such a HOW question... in chinese summore. O wells, what's done is done, no use crying over split milk, save the sadness and tears for other things, and let your pets lick up the split milk. If I get a 6 for chinese, I'll know who to blame... It's all my fault. No shit?

Note to self and all: When receiving chain emails, and all you see is a photo and the sender asks you to stare at it for awhile. First note if the pic is a jpg or a gif, it makes a world of a difference. And I didnt get trick lol, so there.